Feeling not so beautiful

Hey guys, I guess I am back to blogging for awhile. I realize that the things I post are probably not the most interesting pieces of work that the world has ever seen. I'm no J.K Rowling or Zoella, I know that. 

Any who I came here to vent. I was sat on the bus today, travelling across campus with my headphones in jamming out to Jack Johnson. I was Minding my own business, when all of a sudden I became hyper aware of my surroundings; this happens to me every now and then. I can only describe it to you as that feeling you get when you say a word too many times and it begins to sound strange. it is similar to that. However this time I became aware of skin and my face and my body and everyone else's hair skin and body...It was totally freaky. I began to feel my self esteem lowering with each passing second I sat there. I have okay skin, large pores and darkish under eyes are my only real issues, and obviously the occasional breakout for a mental break down; because college. i have long blonde hair that reaches just above my hips and I stand at a comfortable 5'5. Yet for some reason today when I looked around I began to feel suer self conscious of my face and my hair and just myself in general to be honest. It was the strangest thing. 

Why do we all struggle so much to self love ourselves. I think everyone is beautiful in their own ways. No matter if you do not have that perfect small pointy up nose or perfectly smooth flawless skin. I think we all have beautiful qualities about ourselves. And sometimes you just need to surround yourself with people who will let you feel beautiful. People who know how to pick you up when you're feeling down. People who know what to say to you to make you feel special. I need more of those people in my life right now... 

Anyway I have no clue where this is going anymore and I have not proof read this and it probably does not make any sense what so ever, it is currently 12:56am on a Wednesday night... whoops. 

You know one day, you might get married and get to live with your best friend and decorate your home with them and do everything together like watch late night infomercials just because, and see their sleepy face when they wake up in the morning and have a secret handshake and be really weird with them and they'll still love you no matter what, and if the possibility of all that doesn't make you smile, I don't know what will.

Montana - My Happy Place

Sometimes in life you come across a place where you just feel complete and content with life, for me that place is Montana ( well as of right now). Who knows, maybe in a few years i'll have a different happy place, where I make memories with my husband and kids, but in this moment Montana holds a special place in my heart. It's where I feel happy, and I hope it stays my happy place.

Have we been seeing the world through a piece of shattered glass? 

Photo Credit: Me?

by you're like the falling leaves.

You meet someone

It’s all good and seems real and different

You have deep conversations with them and learn about their life and their past

You talk every hour of the day and you crave to see them

It gets to the point where you plan out the future with them

Suddenly

Things start to change

You start to talk less and less

They start to become distant

You start to chase them when they show you they don’t care and you’re stuck wondering where things went wrong and the reasoning for chasing them is because you want the person they were when you guys started catching feelings

Things like this is why nobody can fucking trust anyone and why things are so hard in this generation to actually love someone and be in a faithful relationship

This is why people rather stay single and be alone and not stress and be hurt about someone because they know how it’s going to turn out from past experiences. Some people are different though, some will take on being with someone who hurts them knowing damn well their not good for them because for these types of people they rather feel this then have the feeling of loneliness

But mostly for others they grow tired of always chasing someone who doesn’t give a damn about them and they become heartless and distance everyone

When things end on bad terms because of someone going from “baby I’ll never leave you I love you so much”

To them all of a sudden switching up entirely and acting like they never told you anything and dropping all the promises they made you.

THAT PERSON – will act like the victim they will start to play the role of it being YOUR fault just to get rid of guilt of them hurting you because their stubborn and blind to what you do/did for them and don’t want to admit they took you for granted.

The actions from the person who screwed the you over is really important. IF they truly act like you never existed and start to want and get attention from others you just have to let them go no matter how hard it is. They never deserved you. 

Sometimes the only person who can save you is you. I'm not saying we shouldn't get advice from others. Useful advice can be the difference between success and failure. But more often than not, too much advice kills out mission and mojo. Theres no way around rolling up our sleeves and doing the work. You may fail and fall (I still do), but if you have the passion and vision, the path to success is easier than you might think.

“If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don't need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.” 

TEXTING KILLS THE RELATIONSHIP.

If your relationship is only stable when you text each other 24/7 then its not going to work out in the long run and thats the harsh reality. If your relationship doesn't function unless you know what each other are doing all day every day, then you will quickly run out of purpuseful conversation; you many be able to talk all the time but what are you REALLY talking about? Is it just filler converastion? because if so..you my friend are screwed. If your other half gets angry at you for not responding straight away or pissed off because you can't facetime/skype or whatever because you are busy and have stuff to do then where is the understanding?.....yes, you should put him/her first but if you have things to do that need to be done then they should understand that without a doubt. They need to know that if you had a chance you would choose to facetime in a heartbeat; but you have to esablish your own life and get things moving in your own direction. If they cannot accept that you have a life too and that it doesn't just pause and come to halt all of a sudden for them then you're going no where in that relationship.


Its a dead end relationshiop beucase if you see any kind of future with them..imagine being married or whatever in the future and being at wokr and them needing to text you ALL THE TIME... no that isn't going to work on any level. People that feel the need to text you that much, clearly either
A) don't trust you
B) feel insecure about themselves
or
C) are just attention seeking

and all of those are shit situations.

Pretty much 😔